Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
