Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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