I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
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Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
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My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize