were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
