At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
