I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
