It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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