We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
