I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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