I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
