Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
