Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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