Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
