Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
