I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
