I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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