I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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