This is not my ceiling
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
