i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
