Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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