I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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