I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
