so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
