Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
