Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
