I'm really into asian looking animals
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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