im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
