My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
