If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
