I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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