You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
