I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
