My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
