i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
