I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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