PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
