I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
