Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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