smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i barfeds in our rink
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
