in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
