What a fucking waste of an outfit
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
