but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
