Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize