My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
