Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
