Me too!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
This house was built for laser tag.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
