someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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