just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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