Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I faked an abortion last night.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize