Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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