Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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