How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
