yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
