i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
