You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She's the barista slut.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
