hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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