i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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