"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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