Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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