I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
