Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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