it's not cheating when I paid for it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
