I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
